i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We need to get me chipped asap
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
