I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize