I wish I could teleport
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
