Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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