Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
