I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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