I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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