I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
