Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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