She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize