stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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