My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't turn off my feet"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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