I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
