I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
