why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
