Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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