with your own penis?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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