Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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