I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize