How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
