You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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