airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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