where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
