don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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