I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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