what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
