Nicole vs. Life
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
