Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is the high leading the old right now
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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