just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
