Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I didn't shave. On purpose
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i drank out of a bidet.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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