Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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