Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
