My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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