i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
