She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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