i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
40s are totally the cure
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
