K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
