Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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