Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No more Irish car bombs ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
