I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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