Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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