He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
