I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
