In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
