I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
