Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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