then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
