If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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