He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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