We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize