I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I want a musical about memes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
