a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize