Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
