Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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