I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
