yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
