He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
