I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
