i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize