Pappa wants mamma naked
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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