I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
