3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
