i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
