He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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