I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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