Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
