u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
