He kissed a someone with a penis
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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