Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
