we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
